It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
