saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
