my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
