We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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