I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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