lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize