Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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