I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
