Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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