i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize