3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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