you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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