My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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