If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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