dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
