Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
