Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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