I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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