Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
