oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The maid of honor just puked.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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