ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize