You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
