I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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