Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
