Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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