hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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