i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
