wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
God, I missed his penis.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
