Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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