I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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