I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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