we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
