So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
