I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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