dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
