In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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