Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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