Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
