are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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