My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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