:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
