She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
