I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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