I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
honey bunches of taint.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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