did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
