my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
