Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
