respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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