i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
