We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
