So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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