why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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