Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
