HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
