So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so let's talk penis.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize