How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
