guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
