i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
