i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize