Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
