I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
