I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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