TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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