I met the friendliest cop last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
