***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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