Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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