Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
