i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
