Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
