I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
