it wasn't lemon gatorade
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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