i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
