I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
