....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
jump out the window naked night went bad
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
