All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
