I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
