If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
