i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize