The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
