Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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