remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
