I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
