Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
