I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize