my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
