Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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