GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
