he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
