I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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