it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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