Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
