First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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