One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
