There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
