Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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