he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
