You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
