Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
