Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
